Establish the work of our hands...

"The days of our years are threescore years and ten (seventy years)--or even, if by reason of strength, fourscore years (eighty years); yet is their pride [in additional years] only labor and sorrow, for it is soon gone, and we fly away. Who knows the power of Your anger? [Who worthily connects this brevity of life with Your recognition of sin?] And Your wrath, who connects it with the reverent and worshipful fear that is due You? So teach us to number our days, that we may get us a heart of wisdom. Turn, O Lord [from Your fierce anger]! How long--? Revoke Your sentence and be compassionate and at ease toward Your servants. O satisfy us with Your mercy and loving-kindness in the morning [now, before we are older], that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. Make us glad in proportion to the days in which You have afflicted us and to the years in which we have suffered evil. Let Your work [the signs of Your power] be revealed to Your servants, and Your [glorious] majesty to their children. And let the beauty and delightfulness and favor of the Lord our God be upon us; confirm and establish the work of our hands--yes, the work of our hands, confirm and establish it." -- Psalms 90

I hear you LORD. Thank you for your Word and the Holy Spirit to quicken me. I will go to figure drawing tomorrow night and grief will not defeat me. I will count the number of my days as precious; grief will consume them. Therefore, I will trust in you, Oh LORD, dry my tears and move forward. Grief will not defeat your purposes for my life . . . for in my weakness You are made strong. Thankfully Lord, unlike David, I am under Grace and not under Law in this age ... and all of my sins are forgiven and covered and favor resides upon my head because I belong to you.

"Sing to the Lord, O you saints of His, and give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, but His favor is for a lifetime or in His favor is life. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:3, 4
-- Amplified Version

Heartache . . .

The depth of my soul is full of anguish and my body physically hurts. Heartache is physical pain . . . I had not known that and this is a new scary experience. I am dry, yet I am full of inner weeping. All desire to create art has vanished along with all ambition and motivation. Will it ever return? Will I ever feel normal?

As I worship alone today at Crossings, grasping my mother's worn Bible in my arms to my breast not knowing where it had opened . . . (I usually turn to the Psalms for comfort and guidance during praise time) . . . I am feeling overwhelmed with God's presence. I pull my arms down and my eyes fall upon the page to a one single verse "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." God promises are faithful and true. Thank you Lord. Amen

Absent from the Body...

Obituary:
http://www.news-star.com/obituaries/x1777821685/Edith-Juanita-Carruth

Edith Carruth, my mom, entered into the presence of her Lord and her Savior this afternoon at about 4:15. In death, she finished her race the same way that she lived her life: with great courage and steady faithfulness. She told me just Tuesday ... "I can hardly wait to see the Lord. I am ready ... I'm okay with this ... the Lord is in control (meaning ... in control of my living and my dying)."

This is the full assurance of faith that the scriptures speaks of that Christians gain when they have a relationship with the living God.

We her family rejoice in this day for we agree with David when he stated ..."Precious in the sight of the LORD [is] the death of his saints. O LORD, truly I [am] thy servant; (David proclaimed) I [am] thy servant ... thou hast loosed my bonds. I will offer to thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and will call upon the name of the LORD. " (Psalms 116:15, 16).

As I am rejoicing and celebrating mother's life, of course I bear a great personal loss and sorrow of separation. The grief I feel is very different ... a deep loss ... yet knowing confidently ... that we cannot grieve as others grieve who have no hope. We shall be reunited one day soon. Therefore, my great loss is her greater gain and that comforts me now.

Mom became ill Saturday morning and was rushed to Presbyterian OU Medical Center Presbyterian Hospital in OKC. After scans and tests, lymphoma was found and the tumors were restricting the flow of brain fluid causing her symptoms. We were encouraged that they were treatable even at her age without much discomfort. So I held out a bit of hope for recovery, yet looking back, I think mom knew and didn't want to dash the bit of hope I hung on to. She was improving until Tuesday afternoon when she suddenly had a turn for the worse and was taken to ICU. A few hours later she suffered a brain hemorrhage which is a bleeding stroke leaving her left side paralyzed. She never regained consciousness. On the third day...today, she peacefully slipped into the arms of her savior. It was apparent to me, she was at peace even to the end.

Mom has had a love affair with her Lord and Savior since her twenties ... and she has borne great tragedy and grief just as she has experienced the ecstatic joy of a relationship with the living Lord ... Her love affair with the Word of God has also saturated her life and teaching. She is an anointed teacher and I have stood in amazement all of my life at the depth of her understanding as has other learned theologians.

Mom has continuously taught the Bible since she was in her twenties. She gave her heart to the Lord and a few months later, her son was struck and killed while crossing a highway that ran in front of their home. How could the Lord allow such a tragedy but it was that experience that drove this young woman into the Bible ... to find answers no preacher could give and so, a passion for the word of God began and grew and God healed her broken heart. Since that time she has devoted her life to the study of scripture and taught Bible classes.

At 91 years of age, she was teaching two adult classes right up to last week before falling ill. Teaching one class a week is one thing but she taught two different lessons weekly .... studying intensely for hours and hours each week. I've seen her study all day many times. My favorite story she tells on me was when I was a toddler. So accustomed to seeing my mother study, every time she would take a break from chores, I would go and get her bible and put it on her lap. I loved that I did that but it says how hard she studied.

She taught Bible ... always teaching verse by verse ... New Testament passage compared to Old Testament passages ... always harmonizing the Word. She taught in such away that the scriptures interpreted themselves and made perfect sense. She knew how to "rightly divide the truth."

That is a super natural calling and a devotion ... a motivation only the Lord can give ... a genuine call to ministry. She never tired of, or burned out of her ministry. She never asked anyone for anything monetarily for her ministry was truly non-profit in that sense. Yet, God richly blessed beyond measure overflowing exceedingly. Mom provided the refreshments for her class at her expense (a few volunteered occasionally); and notes were freely given. She was happy to do it. All she ever asked is that her students bring a pencil, note paper, and a Bible.

I have never sat under such teaching from any one else ... ever ... not even from learned preachers with doctorates. She was truly anointed and a chosen teacher of the Word of God ... and I feel humbled to have been her child. In our home town, I am happy to be known as Edith's daughter.

"Who can find a worthy woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusts in her. He shall have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. ... She opens her mouth with wisdom. Faithful instruction is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, And doesn't eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also praises her: Many women do noble things, But you excel them all. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands! Let her works praise her in the gates!" --- Proverbs 31

How sorely I will miss your guidance, Mother. How I will lack understanding because I cannot longer hear your prayers. Whose hugs will give such comfort as yours gave? Yet your love continues to abide in me as a blanket upon my shoulders .... and "I rise up and call you blessed" today for all the days of my life you have walked consistently with God. How I yearn to again join you in worship and praise.

Already, I'm receiving calls and cards from people who have been touched significantly by your ministry. (I thought I knew everything.) It is your the young women who tends your beautiful rose garden and who clears the snow from your driveway .... who tells me how much you have helped her and how your wise guidance brought meaningful changes in her life. I see the tears streaming down her face and the love in your eyes for my mother and I am stunned.

If Mom were here reading over my shoulder, she would say .... "no no no, Patti, don't write that" ....and quickly draw attention away from her and insist ... "whatever crown that the Lord may give me, I give it back to Him for it is he who has done it through me. I was only a willing vessel." How many times she said, "don't make my funeral about me." Yet, Mom it is about you and what the Lord has done through you.

Thank you Mother for teaching me to love God's word and to apply it to my life. For opening the mysteries of God's Word to my understanding. For opening my eyes and ears that I might see and hear the truth which is the way that leads to life everlasting. Thank you for living before me a standard that I could never meet. Thank you for your consistency and steady walk.

Good bye my sweet Mother for now ... I will be there with you soon.

How dark is the darkness...

Blessed is the man who doesn't walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the way of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers; But his delight is in the LORD's law; On his law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by the streams of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also does not wither. Whatever he does shall prosper. The wicked are not so, But are like the chaff which the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked shall not stand in the judgment, Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the LORD knows the way of the righteous, But the way of the wicked shall perish. – Psalms 1 KJV

A more amplified translation….having the same meaning….

Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with scoffers. But they delight in doing everything the LORD wants; day and night they think about his law. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season without fail. Their leaves never wither, and in all they do, they prosper. But this is not true of the wicked. They are like worthless chaff, scattered by the wind. They will be condemned at the time of judgment. Sinners will have no place among the godly. For the LORD watches over the path of the godly, but the path of the wicked leads to destruction. NLTranslation

Lately, I have been hearing some advice from people who have no understanding of the Lord whatsoever even though they go to a church on occasion. Why they profess Christianity, I will never know. They are being dishonest with themselves …. And are greatly deceived. It is truly challenging to listen to and tolerate.

Lately, I can’t bear the scoffing for the Holy Spirit in me is grieved and I am thinking of seriously removing myself from the presence of such people .... at least for a while. How dark is their personal darkness; how sad.

Thank you Lord for the hope that is in me and for the deep joy you have established within me.